When despair grows in me and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting for their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free. Wendell Berry

 

May your holiday be peaceful and may you rest in the grace of the world.

 

Lynne Brown

Many clients are challenged in how best to communicate with their team members now. Many team members are also challenged because they feel “out of touch” with their leaders. Here are some excellent communication ideas for you from Kim Scott’s Radical Candor.  Remember: one of your most important roles as a leader is to communicate…especially during your current virtual working environment. In order to do this, you need to schedule time to do so…through meetings, 1:1’s, virtually “walking around” …so that you also have time to think and execute.

Schedule 1:1 Conversations

(25 minutes/week for direct reports and 25 minutes/month for all team members).

Note: If you have many team members, schedule these 1:1 Conversations quarterly. Team members will be more candid in 1:1’s than in “coffees” or “breakfasts.”

• Have team members create their own agenda on what they want to talk to you about. It is not your meeting. It is theirs.
• You as a leader listen. Team members should do most of the talking in these meetings.
• You ask them what is working and what is not, seek to understand the direction they are going in and what is blocking them from getting there.
• You ask them, “Is there anything I could do or stop doing to make your work easier?
• Do not cancel these 1:1’s. These need to be a “sacred” part of the work you do as a leader. You will lose trust with your team if you schedule and then cancel.
• Do not use these meetings to give them criticism. (If you need to criticize them, do it in real time in a separate, brief, timely interaction.)
• You are failing as a leader if team members do not have an agenda to talk to you about, or only give you updates, or only give you good news, or give you no criticism.

Weekly Staff Meetings (60 minutes)

• Review how things have gone the previous week.
• Share important updates with one another.
• Clarify most important decision discussions or debate discussions that need to occur that week

Agenda is as follows:

• Learn:(20 minutes)
• Review key metrics on a Dashboard Where Key Metrics are delineated and updated. if you do not have one…create one…” we treasure what we measure”.
• Ask what went well and why; what did not and why?
• Listen:(15 minutes)
• Have each team member write 3 to 5 snippets (brief updates) from what they did last week on a piece of paper. (5-7 minutes).
• Make sure everyone has a chance to read everyone else’s updates (8 minutes)
• Note: right now you are probably having virtual meetings: have team members send their snippets out ahead of time to all team members for their review.
• Ask if there are any questions for clarity…otherwise do not discuss the snippets at the meeting.
• Clarify:(30 minutes)
• Decisions: What topics do you need decisions on as a team?
• Who should be in that decision meeting and when should you have it?
• Who will own it? (Leaders should delegate this to their team members.)
• Debates: What topics do you need to debate on?
• Who should be in that debate meeting and when will you have it?
• Who will own it? (Leaders should delegate this to their team members.)

Debate Meetings

• These slow down decision-making and lower tension by making it okay to argue. The goal for the debate is to check your ego at the door and come up with the best answer for the organization. Halfway through the Debate Meeting, people switch sides.

Decision Meetings

• These are to make the final decision. But decide how you are going to decide…consensus, consultative, majority, delegative.

Have All Hands Meetings regularly (be sure to take Qs and As).

Have KANBAN Boards

• Each department should have one: visible boards that show work in progress for a team: There should be three columns on the boards: To Do/In Progress/Done. This can be displayed virtually also.

Walk Around (Virtually)

• Schedule one hour per week to “zoom around” in our virtual environment…drop into meetings…

Hello! I have just been reminded by LinkedIn that I have had my leadership coaching and team development business for 24 years. Honestly this surprised me and is a miracle. I have deep gratitude for all of you who have allowed me to help you get “every voice heard” within your organizations. I have learned so much through the years from each of you. Thank you for giving me the honor of doing the work I do—with you.

Conflict means that two parties have different needs. That’s it. So why isn’t it possible for people to ask to get their needs met? Dealing with conflict depends! It depends on what is at stake for you, what you stand for, the results you want, who it is with…I could go on and on.

And that is why conflict is so icky, complex, confusing, and juicy! There are many choices in dealing with conflict. Most of our conflict behaviors were learned at an early age and have become habits.

It may be in our nature to choose competition (I win you lose) because that is what we learn in school, in society, in the workplace, and many times in our families. Another autopilot response for some is Avoiding (I lose you lose). We may learn this choice from our family of origin, from a painful experience that has become implanted in our brain that protects us from further pain, or simply because we have learned that it just takes too much energy to take on the conflict. Those who choose Accommodating (I lose you win) think that it is better to acquiesce getting their needs met instead of getting into a conflict with anyone about it. Many choose Collaboration (I win you win). They have discovered that this choice builds trust with others. People often ask me what the difference is between Collaborating and Compromising. Collaborators always end up creating something better together than separately, and Compromisers end up with less than what they wanted.

The dilemma that occurs is that we may have a “go to” conflict style that has labeled us with others. If we compete all of the time, others will avoid us; if we avoid all of the time, others will ignore us; if we accommodate all of the time, we will get a reputation as a doormat; and if we collaborate all of the time we may get a reputation for never being able to make a decision.

So my message is to realize that you have a choice. Between whatever lands on you and how you deal with it is this expansive space full of freedom to choose. Be intentional in your choice.

Here are my ingredients for a successful conflict opportunity:

Courage:

You must have a strong heart and fearlessness to enter into conflict. You need to ask to get your needs met, your values met, whatever you stand for.

Curiosity:

This curiosity will free you from getting caught in “I am right and you are wrong.” It will keep you out of judgment and defensiveness. It will open up your mind and your heart to places you have never learned or felt before.

Consideration:

It is not all about you. There is another party involved in the conflict that has a different perspective and need than you. 

Collaboration:

You do not know what someone else’s needs are unless you ask. In order to ask, you need to listen. Check out Katie Owens as she reminds you how to listen by clicking on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WER63AY8zB8.